Baseball opening day

Before I attempt to write the shortest baseball season preview ever, let me mention a few things regarding the Memphis-Texas game. As sad it is for me to say it but I don’t think we could’ve beaten those guys even on our best day. It didn’t help that we played tight from the very beginning and the Tigers looked like a Rucker league team back in the playgrounds. I was concerned with how the Horns were going to handle the Tigers’ back court size but I had no idea it was going to give them that much trouble.

And Derrick Rose. My god, that boy can play ball. I was hoping his cut wouldn’t stop bleeding because his paranoia of needles was probably the only thing that could’ve helped the Horns. The Memphis Tigers are just better, plain and simple. And I hope that D.J. comes back for one more year but it’s pretty unlikely.

So onto the baseball preview.

AL East: Still two “evil empires”. Yankees have only two reliable starters going into the season. Red Sox have one. But nevertheless, one of them will still win it or the apocalypse will come. Blue Jays have a solid team that could contend if they were in a different division. Orioles are “rebuilding” aka terrible and the Rays are young and talented and hate the Sox and Yankees. Making them my favorite team in this division.
Pick: Red Sox
Wildcard: Yankees

AL Central: Tigers have a stout lineup but questionable pitching outside of Verlander. Of course, Cabrera is always endanger of eating himself to death. Indians also have a stroke threat of their own in C.C. but he’s been a big guy for a long time, and he probably weighed 20 pounds when he was born. Also they have a guy named Kobayashi, which I find really cool. White Sox are always fun to watch but only because of Ozzie not so much because of the team. And the Royals, well let’s just say that your fantasy team is in trouble if you have any Royal other than Meche.
Pick: Indians

AL West: Second most boring league to watch. Angels went in as the heavy favorite but now that Lackey is out for a month and Escobar may not ever pitch again, Mariners have climbed on top. After a terrible spring, Bedard’s chances of repeating last year’s numbers are slim but he should be better off playing for a winning team and at Safeco. As for the other two teams? A’s still live and die off of “moneyball” which never worked since even when they were in the playoffs, they always eventually lost because of things that weren’t based by numbers. And the Rangers, well their ace is Kevin Millwood. Enough said.
Pick: Mariners

NL East: Second best division in baseball. Johan will try to save the Mets from another monumental collapse. Braves have Glavine back and is almost as well rounded as the Mets. Phillies, as much as I like their offense, that pitching and bullpen is just not going to do it despite having the coolest closer name since Goose Gossage. I almost don’t watch Lidge back because his name isn’t as cool as Flash. Oh yea, great game last night in the nation’s capitol in the Nats’ brand new pretty sweet looking park.
Pick: Mets
Wildcard: Braves

NL Central: Worst division in baseball. It’s really a snooze fest. Kosuke Fukudome is my new favorite player, not bad for a first game in the majors. Having Wood as the closer may or may not be a sentimental decision but seriously, Howry is much more stable and the kid Marmol is just electric. Brewers got an early taste of how much Gagne sucks today, Prince Fielder looked so pissed, I was afraid he was going to crush Gagne’s skull. The rest of the teams suck too much to even mention and someone please explain to me why there are six teams in this division…
Pick: Cubs

NL West: Best division in baseball. The pitchers in this division are either future of Hall of Famers, All-Stars, or very promising young slingers. The team with the most pitching: Padres, but they can’t hit…at all. The team with the most hitting: Rockies but I’m still not sold on their pitching. D’backs shouldn’t have even made the playoffs last year, and now without their psycho closer Valverde, they’re bound to lose some of those one run games that they won last year. Giants without Barry should be interesting to see but now they have figure out how to deal with their other Barry. The guy that keeps on sucking even though there’s six years remaining on his $126 million contract. A new Dodger era starts with Joe Torre and how great would it be if he gave the Yankees the ultimate “FU” by winning the World Series this year. Okay that may be a stretch but they’re still the most complete team in this division.
Pick: Dodgers

World Series Pick: Mets over Yankees, just to piss off all the Steinbrenners.

And for something completely unrelated. Here’s more proof that no other country cares about their dogs and pets as much as we do.

Don’t say awww, laugh! HAHAHA